From: "the hardparcels" <hardparcel@pmail.com
To: <friendslist>
Sent: January 5th, 2013 12:02 PM
Subject: Fire

Dear All,

When we called to say Nigel was back Sergeant Cressida drove over as fast as she could. She should have remembered the speed bump at the corner and had a terrible nose-bleed. It was most unfair to blame us.

We finished putting ice up her nose and looked for Nigel but he had gone out of the kitchen door and across the neighbours’ garden. Flotsam got out too and was soon back to digging up their roses.

So we hadn’t time to ask much about Manchester, though he did pay Terry for the Renault, £50 notes in a bundle thicker than Keith! We forgave him.

We thought it best not to tell Nigel’s mum and probation officer. And the insurance company, but they won’t talk to us at the moment, so why should we?

Sergeant Clarissa came to fetch her partner and seemed a bit hysterical. I didn't think police were supposed to use that kind of language, but she had just been over the speed bump, so it’s understandable. Nigel’s mum shouldn’t have replied the way she did either. Mr. Auchinlossiter, the probation officer, said he was sure Nigel has a good side to him. Sergeants Clarissa and Cressida both laughed out loud which made Nigel’s mum crosser and Flotsam got into the fray barking and going for ankles. That was a three ring circus and a half!!

Luckily the fire alarm started ringing so loudly no-one could hear themselves scream. It was the same electrical fault as before, but it did send an automatic call to the fire-station and within minutes our usual fire-engine was here.

We must write to the council again about the speed bump! Fire Officer Rabindranath was a bit put out, and one of his teeth, so I told everyone to sit down while I made tea. This time the electric kettle sparks reached the kitchen window curtains and it was a godsend the fire-engine was already here. Officer Rabindranath swung his fire-axe rather energetically and I am afraid the insurance company may be shirty about it all.

Love from us all,

Angela (Hardparcel)